Hello, lovely long-haired ladies!
I’ve been lurking for a while after registering and forgetting my password. Now that I’ve restarted my hair journey again, I thought I’d become active.

I have been trying to grow my hair for at least four to five years. I used to be a huge cut-and-color DYI-er, so I had to cut everything off and start all over multiple times. Others, my hair would be healthy, but I’d freak out in a moment of stress and attack it with the nearest sharp object. Needless to say, self-control can only take you so far. You control the urge for a while then it gets you and next thing you know, one side of your hair is 5 cm shorter than the other…

I take my stress out on my hair. I also have an obsession with the evenness of the hairline and there being absolutely no splits whatsoever. Because I had lightened my hair as I was starting to grow it out last time in 2017, then let it grow out naturally for another year, there was a difference in the color from my ears down and from roots to ears. Even though I’d colored my lightened hair my natural color, t washed out. Then I henndigo’ed which made the difference less noticeable, but I could still see it. (I had lightened my hair with straight H2O2, so even with super frequent trims, my ends were splitting like crazy.)

I had decided to grow my hair to my waist like I had as a child but on August 15, a self-trim went awry, so I had to go from collarbone to chin again. This takes a huge amount of styling for me and it looks super bad on me.

Then I decided to get a pixie, which became shorter and shorter (I did it at home).

It degraded to a cut where the sides and back were buzzed and there was too much weight on top, so on September 24 I just buzzed it with the #8 guard on top, #6 on the sides and back and #3 and #4 for tapering and blending.

It couldn’t be fixed otherwise and hairdressers make me uncomfortable. People tell me I’m brave but actually, my hair is in control of me. I had been cutting every day for weeks before I buzzed my head. I did it for a couple of reasons:

  • So there wouldn’t be anything left to cut anymore
  • So there wouldn’t be a difference in color
  • So it would grow out healthier (no splits for me to obsess over)
  • So I could finally try and accept myself


The only times I have grown out my hair is when we couldn’t afford haircuts. The longest I could go was mid-back, then my hair started falling out in clumps, presumably because of stress. So I cut it again.

So I have decided to let my hair grow for 12 months without a trim. I have tried growing it out properly, with mullet trims etc, but that just makes me obsess even more.

I’ll be using bandanas, hats and, most importantly, a wig. I’m looking forward to the delivery because having a wig means I’ll look normal again and I won’t have to look at what I’ve done.

I’m actually ashamed I can’t “just” grow my hair out like other people. I have no medical conditions to prohibit its growth, but I’m not satisfied with it, ever, and it causes me to constantly obsess over it I’m super self-conscious about it, no matter its length.

Last time I chopped was partly because it was flipping out and frizzy and flat at the roots. I have no idea what my texture is, nor could I make it stop doing that, so I just pulled it back 99% of the time.

I did try clay and vinegar washes, which kind of helped, but after 2 months my hair was super sticky and I had to wash it with regular products again. Then I switched to no-cone but this exaggerated my problem.

So I just want to finally get this over with. I’m sick of the long hair envy and the weird stares in public and feeling less-than and abnormal. In order to reach my goal length faster (mid-back), I’m currently:

  • Taking biotin daily
  • Massaging Trivitaminol (vit A, D, E) into my scalp once a week (sleeping with a bath cap on my hair), then deep-conditioning and washing off the hair mask without any shampoo
  • Wearing hats and bandanas when I see something sticking up or being uneven
  • Not blow-drying

And, in order not to be able to just quit anytime I please, I’ve also started a project where I take a photo every day and then make it into a time-lapse video!

I can’t wait to see that video.

I’ll be uploading it on Sept. 27, 2019.

Hope to be welcome here.