Explanation of Contacts & Friends

[DavidN]

You certainly have a point, Amoretti, about only retaining people on your friends list who interact with you fairly regularly. I am sure there are many people on my friends list who lurk, but do not comment, in my blog. However, I know that some people are very shy, and it would seem to be a bit harsh to "unfriend" them, because they are too shy to comment. I feel honoured whenever I receive a friend request, and have not turned anyone down so far.

I know that I would like to be able to comment more in blogs, but I have a very slow typing speed, and can only afford to spend a fairly limiited amount of time on the LHC. I try to do the best I can.

[Amoretti]

Dianyla said:

Philosophical question: What if that person shares their own intimate details on their own Blog, regardless of whether they comment on yours? Would that satisfy the need for quid-pro-quo?

I've thought about this and yes, of course that would satisfy the need. I frequently read other people's Blogs and I know they read mine. That's all fine even if we don't mutually comment (or hardly ever).

I guess I'd just like to get a PM or a single comment from the absent, shy ones, just to know they're still alive. LOL.

[KittyCat]

Alright, I've taken some people off my list now.
For all those who got "kicked": Please don't take this personal. I'm not being rude or anything (in fact ,I'm pretty affable).

Amoretti: That is a good system you have there. It's good to check posts before you befriend someone.

[Ursula]

I get a few friends requests per week, actually. I have a sort of system to see if I want to accept someone (I haven't refused anyone so far):

-I check out their Blog if they have one and get a general feel for the person's personality.
- I also look at their posts in the post record (in their profile) and see what type of posts they make.
-I look at the other people on their friends list. If they are people I already know and am also friends with it's a plus. If their friends list is short because they're new I concentrate on the tone of their posts to get a feel for them.
-I check out their albums to see if they're serious about growing their own hair long. This is an important step because a weird stalker wouldn't be growing their own hair long and making comments on it. Okay, they might (LOL), but it's unlikely.
- I read the conversations they've had with other members on their Profile Page.

If the person seems normal after all of that I accept the friends request. This only applies to people I've never interacted with , BTW. People I already know I accept right away.

So far this system has worked for me. I might be doing a little cropping of my friends list in the near future though. I think if people on it have never bothered to interact with me they lose the right to read my Blog. Why should I share intimate details of my life with someone who never, ever comments? Quid pro quo, folks!

Hmm... I doubt I'd make the cut.

I've got a blog, but it is mostly just my wash record, and the occasional oddity link. No friends list at all. My album is just old picutres, nothing done within the last year. For all you'd know from the visual record, I've chopped my hair off. I mostly ignore my profile page, as I haven't quite figured out how that is supposed to work. (I get the technical part, it just doesn't mesh well with how my brain works.) And I don't comment much on blogs, unless someone has a particular issue I'm interested in. Not casual chatting. I also hardly ever PM.

Of course, I'm opted out of the whole friends system, so you wouldn't be getting a request from me. Which is sort of the point, I guess, if you're looking for a friends/contact list that reflects the people you're close enough to to call "friend" as opposed to someone you know more generally.

I keep a "contacts" list, gradually adding people if I think they'd be someone I'd let read my blog, should I make it private in the future. (I have no plans to do so at this time, so don't worry about it if you read my blog. The list is just a matter of maintanence, to make things easier in the future if I change my mind, and I'm not looking to make it comprehensive right now.)

But the social dynamic of the public "friends" list seems to get more complex each time I look at this thread, so I'm staying opted-out of it. Things like people one doesn't know asking to be friends, or people being offended if they're de-friended, or people seeming to compete to see who can get the most "friends", just seems too complicated.

I see the point of a "contacts" list, to control profile/blog access. I shouldn't be able to read someone's blog or profile if they don't want me to. I don't see the point of making that list public, as "friends."

[angelthadiva]

I get friend requests a lot, and they aren't always from people I know. I do check out their profile if their name or avatar doesn't ring a bell, and will read some of their posts to try to get to know them better...

So far I haven't declined a request, but I have had to unfriend someone...It wasn't them that I had the issue with, but with the access they had as a friend, I felt like it was a breach of security issue within their household...And I wasn't taking any chances.

At one point my albums and blog were private, then I went to public, back to private, now I'm back to public...As a blog reader myself, I'm glad for the people who chose to keep their blogs public...I've gotten to know some really fantastic people this way, that I most likely wouldn't have had the chance to really get to know...As well as you can get to know someone online, that is.

It's too hard for me to keep up with everyone on my friend/contact list--That doesn't mean that I don't care about them or want to keep up with them...I tried once to send a profile msg to everyone on my friend list—Alphabetically, I made it through the A’s, B’s and most all of the C’s…It was just too much…I do read blogs and check albums frequently—If something really hits me, I will comment.

For now, the only reason I’d unfriend someone would be if there was a security concern, or they suddenly became mean to me, or something like that…I have many contacts/friends that I really don’t have much in common with personally, but I enjoy their hair styles and their posts…People with varied interests in my life have done a lot to enrich it.

[Ursula]

Personally, I think there is something really sneaky about Contacts. I'm baffled that's not more of an issue here. Not that I want to open another box of delightful horrors...

I can definitely see this. Although, since the "contacts" list grants access, but does not do anything to gain the person with the list anything, it doesn't seem like a security concern.

A system that was mutual, like the friends list, but private, like the contacts list (private between the two people involved, not known to third parties) would probably be ideal.

I can see someone not wanting to let another person have access if that person has denied the first person access. Right now, there is no way to know that the access remains mutual without using the public "friends" list, which lets all of LHC know it is mutual, even though the rest of LHC doesn't really need to know for that security purpose.

It seems I actually DO have people on my contact list that are not on my friend list. This wasn't done on purpose. Now I have to sit down and compare both lists of names and see who was accidentally put as a contact instead of a friend. YIKES! If I hurt anyone's feelings it's because I'm computer challenged (totally unfamiliar with how to work My Space and all that stuff).

It may be that you sent them a friends request, and they immediately accepted and de-friended, making you mutual contacts but not on public lists. I've done that a few times, because I don't want the public list, but I don't particularly see a point in keeping the person making the request off of my blog or profile, should I make them private. I've assumed that if anyone sends a "friend" request, it is blog/profile access in the event of my going private that they want.

(But there is no need to send a "friends" request for this purpose - I intend, for now, to keep things public, and I don't like dealing with the requests.)

Or it may be that they friended you, defrended you to end the mutual knowledge of status, and then de-contacted you, so they have access to you, but you don't have access to them (I have not done this, but it is theoretically possible.) Which is something I do see as a problem, because it takes a request for mutual access, and makes it into one-way access to the benefit of the person asked.

[Amoretti]

Ursula said in response to my post:

Hmm... I doubt I'd make the cut.

As I said,

This only applies to people I've never interacted with , BTW. People I already know I accept right away.

People I "know" means people who have been on this site for some time and who have posted frequently. So of course that means someone like you would be accepted.
As I said before (sigh) this system only applies to people I don't know or who are completely new. I have already had a weird stalkerish type so I am glad I am at least minimally cautious.

[wintersun99]

I might be doing a little cropping of my friends list in the near future though. I think if people on it have never bothered to interact with me they lose the right to read my Blog. Why should I share intimate details of my life with someone who never, ever comments? Quid pro quo, folks!

Philosophical question: What if that person shares their own intimate details on their own Blog, regardless of whether they comment on yours? Would that satisfy the need for quid-pro-quo? Comment-culture is something that not everybody gets on an intuitive level.

These are great questions/comments and made me consider my own participation on the Blogs. I don't really. I realized after reading David's Blog that I still view them as "journals" and a place for the writer to have a "personal space" so to speak... I tend to feel that I should avoid commenting so as not to intrude on "personal space" although I do read them. Perhaps that's an out-of-date approach, but I have a very hard time getting past that point of view.

[Amoretti]

Well, for me my Blog is definitely not a one sided affair. I look forward to and appreciate all the comments anyone bothers to make. I know how busy life is for most people so I truly appreciate any comments.

I also truly appreciate any friends requests I get. In fact, I am honoured to get them. I am just a little more cautious since "The Housewife" weirded me out. So if you are a normal person and want to befriend me, please don't hesitate.

[Sofoulee]

Thank you, this was very helpful!