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» Getting Along and Feeling Like Family here... |
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May 31, 2009 - 9:40 PM - by LisaJaney
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Some recent threads, such as this one, have gotten the moderators talking in the modroom, and I thought it'd be good to share with you all what has been said.
According to the thread linked above, people are noticing (and rightly so!) that the feel of this site is vastly different than the majority of sites on the 'net. It's just a nicer place to visit and stay than a lot of other sites. One reason is because we have a wonderful base of fabulous people who hang out here -- people who genuinely care about each other and who want to help each other. Most of the time, people come here for the hair-care info, but stay for the friends they've made along the journey. That was certainly the case for me, and I've stayed for many years now.
This is not just a coincidence, though. We have a staff of moderators here who volunteer their time and their effort to help keep this ever-growing site running smoothly. We have a site-owner who not only tends to the administration of the site (with two wonderful helpers!!), but who has also contributed more than just large amounts of time to the site (yes, I'm talking money, and she's never EVER complained about that). It's just a site of giving people, and that starts from the top-banana (queen coffee-bean) and trickles down through the administrators, modstaff and on down to the members who all work together to make this into what is the best place online.
Nothing is seamless, however, and there are times when we (as a community) quarrel and quibble and snip and snark. Thankfully, those times are "the exception, rather than the rule". (There is a "quickie bulleted list" at the bottom of those post, for those in a rush) Here are a few issues that should probably be addressed, if we may:
One of the things that was mentioned in the thread linked above was that people are policing their words more carefully. In part, that's true, but we're also noticing some policing of words by others. (meaning: one member correcting/moderating another). According to the guidelines, we're to avoid that and use the "report post" feature of the site and allow the modstaff to step in if necessary. This is to keep the fighting down. If Member A says something offensive, and Member B smacks A...then pretty soon Members C and D come in and gets THEIR swipes in, too, and we have a brawl. If Member B would have just reported it, the modstaff would have contacted Member A, gotten things straightened out/amended, and no fighting ends up being on the boards. We're having a little trouble with some of our newer members (and older ones, too, for some reason) finding their sync with this system, and they're taking it upon themselves to "right a wrong" when they see it.
It's been said recently that there have been more snarkiness, more bluntness, more aggression around here. More than before, that is. It's a trend we'd been noticing, too.
One thing that has served us well in the past is to ask people to monitor themselves when they speak. A helpful mnemonic device that may be useful is to remember to KNIT when you post. Ask yourself the following questions about what you're about to post:
If what you've written (before hitting "post") doesn't yield you four "yes" answers, look back at it and see what you could change to increase your "yes" answers. Ask yourself "If someone else wrote that to ME, would I be offended/mad/hurt?" Again: if you don't get a favorable answer, FIX it before posting it.
Monitoring what you say is always easier than having someone else tell you you were wrong. If we monitor our own words, treating each other with respect and courtesy, the feel of this site will remain friendly and welcoming. If not, then...well, it won't.
Another topic that was popular on the above-linked thread was "tolerance". There is a subtle difference between tolerating something and accepting it. Accepting means you agree with the validity of something; you accept it as true and will adopt that idea into your own repertoire of mental truths. Tolerating something means that you may not agree with it, but you will allow it without making a huge scene or brawling about it (verbally). We are not asking you to accept everything you hear here from the other members. Good grief, we have so much variety here, there's no WAY we're all going to agree about everthing. But we can tolerate differences in opinion; we can even offer our own opinion respectfully and have a dialogue about a topic without being nasty or hateful. But that demands that we speak with kindness and courtesy, and remember that our words have the power to help or to hurt, and we need to choose our words carefully when we are disagreeing about a topic.
Kindness, courtesy, respect and tolerance. All of those words mean that I am going to be civil to another person. And none of those words mean that I have to adopt their ideas and convictions as my own.
I love that this site is so welcoming. I also love that it's so huge and SO diverse. When we monitor our words and actions so that our "rights" aren't tromping all over the rights of another, then we can coexist in peace.
So, to recap:
- Be careful about moderating others. Report posts instead!
- Self-monitor whenever possible (use KNIT!)
- If you can't accept, at least tolerate!
Thank you all so much -- for being a part of this family, and for making this site what it is to all of us!
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